Growing up, I never aspired to be a fireman, a policeman or even a doctor.

No, I set my sights higher.

I was going to be a karate-trained fighter pilot with a baseball diamond in my backyard and a cell phone the size of Jupiter next to my ear at all times.

Outlandish as it may seem, it was nonetheless my dream – and secretly still is.

My parents can’t be blamed for this. It wasn’t their fault. They tried to raise me right. They taught me how to be a well-adjusted person and how to live life within the lines. No, I don’t blame them at all.

I blame popular culture.

My favorite movies of my young life were staples of the time. ‘The Karate Kid,’ ‘Top Gun’ and ‘Field of Dreams’ instilled in me the hope that these great heights could be achieved. Ralph Macchio’s Daniel LaRusso, Tom Cruise’s Lt. Pete Mitchell and Kevin Costner’s Ray Kinsella were my idols. They didn’t teach me how to persevere or stand up for what I believe in, though each of these characters held these traits. No, they taught me how to be cool, with a capital C.

Then I found Zach Morris, the king of cool (and hence the large cell phone), and I was that much better for it.

Maybe I haven’t become all that these characters embodied – except that I think I’m a pretty darn cool person – nor do I expect to. But I do have a cell phone, and I can take karate lessons, albeit not from Mr. Miyagi. Sure, I always take flying lessons, but they’re expensive as hell, and chances are I won’t be gunning down any Russian MiGs. And I have quite the nifty Wiffleball park in my backyard, so that’s close enough for me.

So maybe I’m not really that far off from my heroes of yore. And that’s pretty darn cool.

But here’s the scary part. Kids today just don’t have the heroes to lead them to greatness like I had. Seriously, who can they look up to? Agent Cody Banks? He’s a two-bit action hero. Dare they dream to become like B2K in the smash-hit dance flick ‘You Got Served?’ I sure hope not. And God forbid they start yearning to emulate Hillary Duff’s Lizzie McGuire.

Pop culture just isn’t what it used to be. Come to think of it, it never was. When has there ever been a greater collection of popular culture icons than in the late 1980s and early 1990s?

Never, my friends, never. I know that I have no proof to back up my bold claim but, damn it, I know there are people out there who agree with me. Right? RIGHT? We grew up in the true golden era of Hollywood. I will stand by this until the day I die.

On second thought, maybe I should blame my parents for letting those second-rate heroes infiltrate my now warped and twisted mind. They were the ones who did this to me. Popular culture isn’t to blame after all – they are.

Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

Published on March 1, 2004 at 12:00 pm