Wings are an amazing food. So much flavor and meat packed onto one little bone. And you get so many in one platter. Every time you finish one wing, you’re not done with your meal; there is another under it waiting for you to grab up and gobble down … until the last wing, which may have caused more near-death arguments over ownership than any other snack food available. This being said, like snowflakes and bowling balls, no two wing recipes are the same. Restaurants stretched across the Syracuse University area all advertise wings, but which is worth your time and taste buds? We reviewed a selection of places and tabulated the results for you to make wing choices safe and easy.

The Goods

The meat of the issueSince you’re in the mood for wings, it’s the meat that’s the most important part of the whole experience. No matter how good the spice or sauce, if your wing is over or undercooked, it will destroy the entire experience. There must be the right blend of tenderness to make each wing taste just right.

Hot hot heatWhile the meat is most important, it’s also readily available on any chicken product. What makes wings an original snacking food is the spice. Coming in a variety of flavors, you should be able to get the right temperature for whatever you crave, ranging from mild to volcanic eruption. But be warned, wings can often be mislabeled, which can cause your whole wingy night to be ruined with one bite.

Captain CrunchYou like crunchy? You can get crunchy. You like soft and chewy? That can also be provided. Wings come in all forms of texture. But many times, texture goes hand-in-hand with the restaurant. Even if they have multiple flavors, the same recipe is used to cook every wing, so they feel the same. To get the right texture, experimentation is needed. A delicious, delicious experiment indeed.

The bare bonesNow, bones are a very important part of the wings, because you have to eat around them. The bone is actually a good mark of how good the wing is. If you begin to scrape your teeth against the bare side of the bone until the point it that hurts, only to get that last bit of meat, then that’s a damn good wing. Go with that. (Or you could get the science-experiment-gone-wrong wings without bones, but that scares us to much to think about.)

TextureThe package deal. How does that wing taste in your mouth? This is the final deciding factor of your trip down chicken lane. How does the meat go with the bones? How does the flavor blend with the texture? Is each wing a well-crafted piece of meaty art on the palate of your tongue? We’d like to hope so.

The Provider

Damage controlWings, while delicious, can often be pricey. Very understandable, since you only get about two wings off every chicken, and there are platters-full in an order … those poor chickens. That being said, some restaurants provide better prices than others, and they often have specials that are just right for a college pocket. So keep an eye out for the best price.

Mobile chickenUndeniably, the craving for wings is a very powerful thing. One day you might wake up at 6 a.m. and need tiny bits of spiced meat on a bone. If the restaurant stalls, hunger may start to gnaw on your brain. Eventually you may eat your own socks laced in Tabasco sauce trying to quell the longing. Best just to find a place that delivers fast.

What’s in a name?Sometime restaurants try to be clever and name their wings interesting things to represent what they taste like. But sometimes the names are dumb. Very, very dumb. And they also are a bad indication of what the wings taste like. There’s something to be said about the simplicity of ‘mind’ compared to something like ‘samurai ninja.’

The Big Dip

Chicken ranchNo one uses ranch dressing. Ranch is for fried chicken products alone, preferably in sandwich form. If you use ranch on your wings, we will personally train chickens to fly to your window at night and egg you.

Cheesy goodnessHere’s where it is at. Blue cheese dressing. The dressing of choice. The dressing of champions. The flavor perfectly combines with any sort of heat and texture of every wing out there. You are also able to dip the provided celery in the blue cheese to cool your mouth after a spicy bite. Enjoy the blue cheese; it’s there for a good time.

Smooth or chunkyOnce you have chosen your dip – again, there’s only one right choice – you must choose what style of dip. Some prefer the smooth dip that leaves nothing to obstruct your sauce and your wing. Others enjoy little bits of floating delicious sauce material to become the topping to a delicious wing and meal. Mmm, delicious.

With 21 different flavors, Wingz was just too much to be contained to the traditional grading sheet.Orgasmic: The crme de la crme. Consider this a 9 or a 10.Grrrreat: Definitely sparks our taste buds. A 7 or an 8.Asi-asi: Middle of the road. 5 or 6 points.Nick Cage Acting Bad: ‘Family Man’-era. A mere 3 or 4. Raunchy: The name says it all. 2 and below.

BBQ flavors:BBQTaste: Somewhere between grrrreat and Nick Cage acting bad.

Texture: Asi-asi

Name quality: Nick Cage acting bad

Accurately representing heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Somewhere between grrrreat and Nick Cage acting bad

BBQ BuffaloTaste: Grrrreat

Texture: Grrrreat

Name quality: Raunchy

Accurately representing heat: Somewhere between orgasmic and grrrreat

Overall: Asi-asi

Golden BBQTaste: Somewhere between orgasmic and raunchy

Texture: Somewhere between orgasmic and raunchy

Name quality: Somewhere between orgasmic and Nick Cage acting bad

Accurately representing heat: Orgasmic

Overall: Somewhere between orgasmic and asi-asi

Honey BBQTaste: Somewhere between grrrrreat and asi-asi

Texture: Asi-asi

Name Quality: Somewhere between asi-asi and Nick Cage acting bad

Accurately Representing Heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Asi-Asi

Teriyaki Flavors:

Samurai TeriyakiTaste: Somewhere between orgasmic and raunchy

Texture: Grrrreat

Name quality: Asi-asi

Accurately representing heat: Somewhere between grrrrreat and raunchy

Overall: Somewhere between orgasmic and raunchy

TeriyakiTaste: Somewhere between grrrreat and Nick Cage acting bad

Texture: Asi-asi

Name quality: Nick Cage acting bad

Accurately representing heat: Somewhere between orgasmic and asi-asi

Overall: Somewhere between orgasmic and Nick Cage acting bad

Other wing flavors:

Lemon PepperTaste: Asi-asi

Texture: Somewhere between orgasmic and asi-asi

Name quality: Somewhere between orgasmic and asi-asi

Accurately representing heat: Somewhere between orgasmic and Nick Cage acting bad

Overall: Asi-asi

Garlic ParmTaste: Grrrreat

Texture: Grrrreat

Name quality: Asi-asi

Accurately representing heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Grrrreat

Cajun (We decided to bring all the Cajuns together under one roof, but they come in Cajun BBQ, Cajun Teriyaki and Blackened Cajun)Taste: Grrrreat

Texture: Grrrreat

Name quality: Asi-asi

Accurately representing heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Grrrreat

Honey MustardTaste: Orgasmic

Texture: Orgasmic

Name quality: Somewhere between orgasmic and grrrreat

Accurately representing heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Grrrreat

CaribbeanTaste: Grrrreat

Texture: Grrrreat

Name quality: Grrrreat

Accurately representing heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Grrrreat

Texas MesquiteTaste: Grrrreat

Texture: Somewhere between grrrrreat and raunchy

Name quality: Somewhere between grrrreat and Nick Cage acting bad

Accurately representing heat: Somewhere between orgasmic and Nick Cage acting bad

Overall: Grrrreat

Cool RanchTaste: Nick Cage acting bad

Texture: Asi-asi

Name quality: Orgasmic

Accurately representing heat: Orgasmic

Overall: Grrrreat

Sauce heat categories:

Flying HighTaste: Grrrreat

Texture: Somewhere between orgasmic and raunchy

Name quality: Asi-asi

Accurately representing heat: Somewhere between orgasmic and raunchy

Overall: Grrrreat

Light WeightTaste: Raunchy

Texture: Somewhere between grrrreat and asi-asi

Name quality: Orgasmic

Accurately representing heat: Orgasmic

Overall: Somewhere between grrrreat and raunchy

Half PipeTaste: Grrrreat

Texture: Grrrreat

Name quality: Orgasmic

Accurately representing heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Grrrreat

Kick FlipTaste: Orgasmic

Texture: Somewhere between orgasmic and grrrreat

Name quality: Orgasmic

Accurately representing heat: Orgasmic

Overall: Grrrreat

Free FallTaste: Nick Cage acting bad

Texture: Asi-asi

Name quality: Grrrreat

Accurately representing heat: Raunchy

Overall: Asi-asi

Slam DunkTaste: Grrrreat

Texture: Grrrreat

Name quality: Somewhere between orgasmic and grrrreat

Accurately representing heat: Grrrreat

Overall: Somewhere between orgasmic and Nick Cage acting bad

We chose a simpler scale for the rest of our wingy friends. One to 10 gets the job done right.

Cosmos472.6766

Mild WingsTaste: 6.3

Texture: 7.3

Aptly named: 6.333

Heat: 4.333333

Overall: 7

Medium WingsTaste: 7

Texture: 7

Aptly named: 7.2

Heat: 6

Overall: 6.6

Hot WingsTaste: 7.66666

Texture: 7.333333

Aptly named: 6

Heat: 6.333333

Overall: 7

BBQ WingsTaste: 9.33333

Texture: 9.33333

Aptly named: 9

Heat: 8

Overall: 9.33333

Varsity478.1235Taste: 8.33333

Texture: 8.666666

Aptly named: 6

Heat: 2.5

Overall: 7.666666

Campus Delivery Wings (Sal’s Birdland)443.1709

Plain wings with honey mustard sauceTaste: 8

Texture: 8

Aptly named: 5

Heat: 2.75

Overall: 5.75

Dominos423.0333

MildTaste: 4

Texture: 5.5

Aptly named: 8

Heat: 0

Overall: 4.5

MediumTaste: 6.75

Texture: 6

Aptly named: 4.33333

Heat: 2.5

Overall: 6.33333

HotTaste: 8.75

Texture: 7.75

Aptly named: 7.5

Heat: 6.75

Overall: 8

Published on October 5, 2005 at 12:00 pm